Narcissism

Once upon a time, eons ago, a self-indulgent peacock of a man by the name of Narcissus, who was so taken by his own reflection, he stared into the water at himself until he died and became a flower. (in a nutshell).

Whether or not Greek Mythology is ACTUALLY the reason Narcissism is actually a personality disorder has yet to be confirmed for me, but the point still stands. Narcissism is the total adoration of self, the inability to see flaws in ones actions, and the general disdain towards the common man as simple fodder for ones every wish and whim.

Sometimes, I wish I was a narcissist. Not so that I can use people, I'm sure if I tried hard enough I could probably get at least a few people I know to do my evil bidding.

No. There are days I wish I was a narcissist, so that I could look in the mirror and go: "Damn. I love me. I'm hot tamales and everyone else can just bite me and my hotness." I think it would be easier sometimes than the crippling self-consciousness I generally feel.

Though, I guess it wouldn't be all sunshine. People would probably hate me after a while. And since I would adore myself unconditionally, I wouldn't have started the workout program I have that's made huge improvements in my asthma and general health/energy levels.

It would probably also make me kind of slutty. Cuz hey, if you've got it, (and know you have it), flaunt it right?

No. Even though sometimes I wish I was a narcissist, I've begun to come to terms with the fact that I'm not. I look in the mirror, and see a million things I wish I could change. I never see results of my hardwork, no matter whether I've lost weight or not, I always seem to feel fat. Or those days, where you think you look awesome? And then someone takes a picture of you, and it's like....BURN IT!

But, you know what? This is who I am. Insecurity? I'm working on that. Bad body image? Thank god I fall asleep without adequate food, so no eating disorders in sight. Exercise? Becoming something I actually enjoy. Sexyness? I can get there :)

Narcissism be damned, I can love me without it.