The Great Relationship Fuck Up...Again

Yep. In a relationship. Apparently constantly fucking it up.

I don't like being in relationships. I don't like being told by someone, that I can count on and rely on them, when it turns out that I can't. It's not even that most people mean to be unreliable. We're human. If someone would rather drink beer with friends than deal with a significant others emotional melt downs....well, that's just how it goes. As I was told, people can't drop everything for me.

Ok.

It's wrong of me to share my feelings apparently. I get that too. I'm obviously so judgemental and out of touch with reality. I should really have known better. After all, my dad jumped down my throat any time I got too emotional. Why should anybody else be any different?

It always seems that me trying to say or share anything, just turns into a fight. Maybe I'm really that bad at breaking bad news to people. Maybe I'm much more antagonistic than I thought I was.

Am I really so selfish? I didn't think I was. I was always told by others outside of my relationships, that I was too UNselfish. That I never insisted that my own needs be met. Tried that today. It didn't go very well.

I think I'm destined to be alone. Maybe it's my own issues that contribute to how terrible I am with men. It's my dad and I over and over and over again.

It's a shame too. I really like this guy. I could maybe love him (other than the fact that I don't really believe in love, and I'm not sure what it's supposed to feel like and I'm really really good at walking away and never talking to people again for no particular reason except that I suck at staying attached). I just can't communicate how I feel at any given time. I can't explain my logic or reasonings too him without there being a big misunderstanding.

Oh, and I always overreact. Clearly.

I'm going to be a single mom. I'll just get my mom to move in and help me. Obviously I'm not cut out for this relationship thing. I just ruin them. No point in bringing someone down with me.

*whine whine whine*

I feel like shit.