A little bit of reality

So about a month or so ago, I was at the doctors office for my annual, totally routine physical which (while more intrusive now than it once was) is barely considered a blip on my radar of things to be overly concerned about.

Three weeks go by, no phone calls, I figure all is well and promptly forget I even went. Then last week, I see her number pop up on a missed call, but there's no voicemail and no attempt to call back. Knowing from previous experience, that if the situation called for urgency, she would have called back from her home number I was hardly concerned and figured her evil psycho-wench of an assistant just dialed the wrong number or something.

Then I see a missed call Monday afternoon (she has the most uncanny knack for calling when I'm away from my phone) and this time there's a voicemail attached. So now I'm a bit concerned, but I pick up the message and she says there's no urgency but she has some results so just give her a shout.

Ok, sounds good. I figure she's going to yell at me for not taking the 2000mg of vitamin D a day like I'm supposed to, but usually forget during the summer. I call and leave her a message to let her know I've gotten her messages (redundant since she asked me to call her, but she's a doctor, I can't ignore her)and if she beats me to it, she can call in the morning.

And she does. 8:38 am, while in the car, my phone goes off. Pulling over in what I'm sure was the most badly executed pulling over a person could do, I fumble the phone open. My doctor is fairly militant, and usually just gets straight to the point. So I knew the news had a freakout factor when she started it off with, "There's nothing to be concerned about, and this isn't an emergency." OOOOOOOkkkkay, way to boost the confidence.

Apparently, my pap came back and things have "changed a little", whatever the hell that's supposed to mean to me. Did my cervix invert itself? Are there palm trees growing in there? Inclement weather differences?

Kidding aside, I've been assured it's "NOWHERE near cancer" and there's a 95% chance this will turn out to be nothing, but should the 5% occur, she's got a specialist in mind. After the initial brain reboot, my first thought was that I'm glad she's watching out for me. The second thought was, Goddammit I have to go back in November to go through another exam. Third though was, I really wish she had been calling to yell at me.

Though I'd hardly say I'm writing up my will, I'm understandably a smidge concerned and have been told to call in with anything that may worry me, like stabbing pain that isn't cramp related or if the palm trees suddenly turn into pumpkins (which I can imagine would contribute greatly to the above formentioned warning about stabbing pains).

Until November, I've been told there's no point in worrying. But I can't help but feel the reality check.